Comet

What are you doing?
Are you waiting for that comet?
That comet?
really?
That comet?
Still?
But that was centuries ago.
You have even forgotten it.
So why so sudden?
You feel like you need a miracle?
You need another excitement?
You wanna be happy again?
You just want something to love?

But why that comet?

Little did they know

At her,
They are looking
Some are even staring
Some steal glances
Some pretend they did not see
Some are trying hard not to look

It is unusual for them
It is uncomfortable for some
To some it is just for show
To some it is just sad
To some it is ridiculous
To some it is inspiring

But little did they know
As much as they are staring
As much as they are finding sense in it

She did not do it for them
She never did.

Life line

So there's this line, right?
It's black-- like really black black
And I keep thinking about it
Like what shape is it
Like it looks kinda thick
And it looks kinda long
And it looks kinda straight
But when I move a bit
It kinda looks thin
And maybe a bit short
And maybe a bit curvy
But then I move again
It looks a bit blue
Not like sky blue
But a new bruise kinda blue
And it looks kinda pretty
And I kinda wanna touch it
And I kinda wanna stretch it
And I kinda wanna make it like
Green or maybe orange or maybe yellow
But when I touch it I feel ticklish
And when I stroke it I feel feverish
And when I grab it I feel like choking
I don't like it hurting me
No I don't like the hurting
So I snatch it
And I squeeze it
And I stretch it
And I hit it
And I cut it in half.

Accepting

alas these of yours and mine and ours set free
the warmth and the closeness and the togetherness so intimate I leave
the grasping and the intertwining and the senses of belonging dispossessed
the interdependence and the vulnerability and the innocence and the affection turned to smoke
the wants and the haves and the ifs and the whys with all the lies rationalised
the coldness and the loneliness and the messiness of the madness made known
the ignorance and the negligence and the moments of reassurance let it go

setting it free
therefore I leave
dispossessing everything
seeing it turn to smoke
as I rationalised them
and making them known
then I let it go.

Alas, these of yours and mine and ours; set free.

Uncertainty

Strapping myself with safety belts.

I'm eating my fear, I'm wearing my courage.

Taking this leap-- 

boarding this plane-- 

climbing this mountain--

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know who I am.

I don't know who I'm becoming--

Wondering if I'm becoming like them.

They told me like this--

They told me like that--

I just nod my head--

let's get it over with, fast.

I don't know where I'm going.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know what they are saying--

I just choose to trust them.

I strap myself with safety belts.

Nothing to everything

I am in a daze.
I have lost my ways.
I am here yet I am not.
I look, people see but I don't.

The presence of my absence--
The emptiness of the full--
The loss of what I've gained.
I don't want to feel the pain.

How do I run?
How do I hide?
I don't care about pride.
I just want what was mine.

What should I do?
What should I give?
I will give all of my everything
to have what once was my nothing.

Losing it

they are hanging on thin threads at the tip of my fingers
one by one for every single one of my delicate fingers
they are about to bleed but the force is getting stronger and stronger
pulling them down yet my fingers hold onto them
slipping slowly, surely, shredding my skin

i am crying;
i am screaming;
i am losing;
i am disappearing;
without even realising it

i am here but i am not

Move on, please

Your so-called maturity
just proves how childish
you are.

Your so-called love
just proves how weak
you are.

Your so-called life
just proves how empty
you are.

Your so-called intelligence
just proves how foolish
you are.

Seriously, now,
grow up.

The Big in the Small

Rain drops
Coffee brewing
Old songs
Cold weather
Handwritten letters
Simple reminders
Worn out shoes
 Blankets
Contagious smiles
Shared silence

When the world is trained to see the Big in the Big,
Why not choose to see the Big in the Small?

Make everything easy

It started off nicely;
Everything seemed to be lovely
And you expressed your love endlessly
But then you got extremely busy
And cried your ache to me;
Telling me how much you miss me,
How you would trade it all for me.

Well for me, unfortunately,
I was starting to feel a tad lonely.
You weren't there when you should be.
So I decided to make everything easy.

I was here and you were there,
Whatever happened, I'm not sure if you cared
Because I couldn't see and feel you.
How would I know if anything was true?
So for once, let's not agree to disagree--
to make everything easy.

2015

This too will pass

Hello there dear,
Where are you now? I wonder,
"I'm in the middle of a drought" she cries,
Well, fret not my dear,
Just wait a little more and it soon will pass.

Hello there sweety,
Do tell me where you are, I plea,
"I'm in  the middle of an endless storm" he screamed,
Well, fret not my sweet,
There's an end to this endless and this storm will pass.

Hello there love,
Where are you roaming about now? I laughed,
"I'm in the middle of a cold black night" he coughed,
Well, fret not my love,
The sun will soon shine, the cold and the dark will pass.

Hello there darling,
Where on earth are you now? I sing,
"I'm in the middle of a beautiful spring" she beams,
Well, fret not my darling,
For seasons change and this too will pass.

2014

That's how it was

It's amazing
How the fire burns but left me feeling cold.

It's great
How the stars shine so bright but make me cry inside.

It's funny
How you said you love me but left me all alone.

It's crazy
How chances come again but ended up the same.

It's tiring
To keep on believing in something that is unsure.

It's cruel
For you to say things but do nothing about it.

That's enough.

Rumah

Rumah;
Tapak
Tiang
Bumbung

Tapak yang asasnya kukuh,
tidak goyah walau dirempuh.
Tapak di mana engkau berdiri--
diisi dengan ilmu dan integriti,
dihiasi dengan santun dan budi.

Tiang.
Kalau satu dia runtuh.
Walau berbilang tetapi tidak teguh--
pasti runtuh jua rumah yang dibina utuh.
Sama-samalah kita berdiri; bahu ke bahu
mendukung satu misi;
"Berat sama dipikul, ringan sama dijinjing"
itulah yang kita impi.

Bumbung.
Kala terik dia meneduh,
Kala hujan dia melindung.
Bumbung yang menyatukan--
saat kita perlukan--
janganlah sesekali kita melupakan.


Pintu.
Engkau mempunyai kuasa;
sama ada engkau di dalam atau di luar.
Engkau mempunyai pilihan;
untuk menerima atau menolak.
Di dalamnya suatu wawasan,
di luarnya suatu keputusan.
Hanya satu langkah ke hadapan
dan semuanya dalam genggaman.

Marilah kita ramai-ramai
Membina satu kediaman
Menghias dengan corak perpaduan
dan kaya dengan kasih sayang

Rumah ini sedang dibina--
oleh kita.
Rumah ini perlukan kita--
untuk bersatu.
Rumah ini--
Malaysia tercinta.

Ambang Merdeka
SMK Convent, Klang.
29 Ogos 2014

My Precious

Unlocking the cages every morning
So that all of them could wander
I cheer every time they fall
I celebrate the wounds
I let them cry out the pain--
But never about the pain
I gather them all at the end of the day
Together, I kiss them good night
Locking the cages for them to rest and mend
Because it's a sanctuary to forgive
Because it's a sanctuary to grow
This is how life is
But we pretend not to know.

Mulanya rasa senang
Semakin lama semakin sayang
Bila tiba masa semuanya hilang
Habis semua rasa dipaksakan buang.

Mula lagi pada waktu malam
Datang lagi dengan memberi salam
Semakin yakin semakin kuat digenggam
Semakin lama semakin menusuk ke dalam
Semakin lama rasa yang hilang kembali menyulam
Tetapi sebelum kau menyesal, baik kau diam.

Berbuah berkali kali pun masih kau layan
Entah sampai bila baru kau nak hentikan
Jelas yang terlalu indah itu hanyalah angan
Hanya manis untuk diperkatakan
Sila diam saja dan persetankan.

I reached out my hand--
searching for something real.
But then the real thing found me--
and turns out it weren't meant for me.

I reached out my heart--
searching for a soft landing.
But then the soft land found me--
and turns out it was too harsh for me.

I reached out--
I keep on reaching out--
where the initial condition is so beautiful.
It was-- enough.
Makes me think of the reason why
it was perceived incomplete before.

What was given and received in return was preposterous.
What was clean is now muddy.
What was soft is now rough.
What was untouched is now scratched.
What was perfect is now broken.

Now what better way to fix this--
Than to throw it away.
Now what better way to overcome it--
Than to find a new one.

What of me?

What happen to
"I will love you for who you are"? or
"I will love you as you are"?
Are those just words?
Meaningless words?
Shall I love against a closed door,
a manikin or a picture of a goddess--
just to be loved in return?
Does that make a reality--
or a mere fantasy?
Is it the matter of life and death--
for myself to have what people call--
perfection; when it is all physical
and it will be gone, anyhow?
Shall I ponder upon all of these tedious
question marks in my burdened head
just to fulfill the desires and dreams
of a clueless and unappreciative air head?
Well then, what of me?
What of the tree of my being
with roots thrust deep into this earth?
I am of what I make myself with rejoice--
shall you, love, doubt and waver challenge
my position and I as a humble human.
What else to be done?
Insecurities kill--
You are killing me.

To Live

What does it take
to make people realize that life is short?
It's temporary.
Do they need a terminal illness
to open their eyes?
To start gripping onto
the little things--
when it's a little too late?
Life is short.
It's temporary.
Death is a promise.
The moment we were born--
we are preparing to die.
Along the way, the purpose of living
is to be searched as if it's buried underground--
like a treasure.
Why bother living when we will end up dead anyway?
God.
Isn't that a reason?
For Him we live and for Him we die.
Is that not enough reason?
Suicide?
There were no realistic moon--
for their stars are dirt.
There are no reason to live but to die.

Me.

It is not the surface--
but the depth of the soul--
as deep as it allows you to submerge.

The deepness troubles you--
because it confuses you--
and it irritates you.

It is not what it seems--
you finally thought.

It is just the surface--
and not the deepness of the depth of the soul.

It is not me--
but it is what I want you to see--
and believe to be me.

The magic

Are these how things actually are?
Did I miss something?
Did I not get the memo?
Or did I actually got everything wrong?

Just one touch and everything goes away?
Just one word and the magic is gone?
Has the mystery been uncovered?
Is it not worth it anymore?